Best Trends for Life

Icon’s of Fashion

The top three fashion icons of all time!!

• Daphne Guinness – I don’t know who Daphne Guinness is but when I googled “fashion icon” she popped up. So I figured it’d be a good idea to make her number one cause I don’t want to question google and this way maybe if someone else googles her name, my blog will pop up. That’s just good blogging if you ask me. Haha tricked you Daphne Guinness fans who were searching for a quality fashion blog! I don’t know the first thing about fashion! I just blogged about her to trick you! Haha! Blog-tricked! But stick around anyway, I’ll still give you some fashion pointers and you might learn a thing or two. Even you Daphne (stop googling yourself Daphne). Here’s a picture of Daphne with one of those coin funnel things you find at the mall. You know, this thing.

• Montgomery Nikepumpsterton – Montgomery was the founder of Nike in 1864 taking the shoe industry leaps and bounds into the future. Not one to settle with the humdrum stylings most were wearing at the time (letting hedgehogs swallow your feet whole is what most did), Monty created the Nike Pump. “I say Montgomery,” some would say, “what are those things ‘round your leg-foundations?” And Monty would just smile, wink, slam dunk a basketball and say “Does that answer your question?” Which it wouldn’t because he didn’t even attempt to give any kind of informative answer.

• Elton John – Elton John is included on here because of that one time he wore a Donald Duck costume. LOOK AT THIS! I bet when he wore that thing people thought he was weird or provocative or fearless or goofy but what people should of thought was, “I’ll take seven Donald Duck costumes please. One for everyday of the week.” They say a picture speaks a thousand words but I think that picture only speaks 7 words: Elton John in a Donald Duck costume.

What Makes a Jacket?

I’m a big fan of jackets. I like wearing them and I like other people wearing them. If there were a town called Jacket, I’d move there. The way my neighbor feels about lifting weights in his garage while listening to REO Speedwagon, that’s how I feel about jackets. And other examples. JACKETS! But there seems to be this trend of jackets covered in worthless accessories that I am not a fan of. The two I see the most are worthless straps and worthless pockets. What’s with these things!? Let’s start with the straps. Straps all over the place on these jackets. Straps going this way and that way, under this thing and over that thing, it’s like an M.C. Escher painting on your torso! Now, that M.C. Escher joke isn’t a particularly good joke but as we all know you don’t laugh at a reference joke because it’s funny or clever but rather you laugh because you get the reference. So good joke Eric. But do you understand what I’m saying with the straps?? What is a strap around your shoulder even strapping down? Your wings? Do you have wings? Do you need straps for your wings??

And then the pockets. How many pockets does one jacket really need? Two. The answer to my rhetorical question is two. But jackets have so many pockets these days. The jacket I currently wear (and it MUST be stated that I love this jacket. But get ready for some tough love jacket!) has six pockets. Six! What am I suppose to put in six pockets? The six packs of cigarettes I smoke every day? I can fit those in two! Like if I put a second steering wheel in my car behind my normal steering wheel you wouldn’t be like, “That’s a perfectly normal number of steering wheels to have in your car.” Worthless! The only person who can get away with so many straps and pockets on their jacket is Mad Max. So if you’re not Mad Max, stop it. And if you are Mad Max, I’m really sorry for this blog post but I’m so happy you read my blog posts and what are you doing reading a blog in a post-apocalyptic wasteland!?

A Pre-concsleeved Notion

You can tell a lot about a man by his sleeves. Actually, no sorry, what I meant to say was; I have a sweater with sleeves that are not quite long enough but you can barely tell. Like if I were wearing this sweater, you probably wouldn’t notice that a small portion of my wrists were exposed. Unless you tried to give me an Indian rug burn. Then you might notice. Much in the same way that EVERYONE who tries to give me a wedgy learns I don’t wear underwear. But anyway, these sleeves are short. But just BARELY! So I’ve been trying to think of some ideas to make the best out of an already-not-that-bad situation.

My first thought was double watches. Like two watches, one for each arm. Think of all the great things that could come of it! “Hey buddy!” some guy would say, “You got the time?” And as I give him my arm to read my watch, some other guy says,“Wait! I need to know what time it is too!” And I’d respond, “Don’t worry, I’m doing double-watches!” And I give him my other arm. Perfect idea. Or I could set the watch on my right arm to the correct time and then the watch on my left arm five minutes fast, that way the other watch can have something to look forward to! That is also an idea!

My other big light-bulb was to wear really small gloves with the sweater and then pretend that my arms were growing at an incredible rate

Plaid on Plaid

Are there rules regarding plaid on plaid? I know there are rules about plaid with stripes and stuff but I don’t know any rules about plaid on plaid. Much in the same way I don’t know any of the rules of Settlers of Catan. I’ve only played that game once and without sounding like the poopiest of party poopers; I kinda want to keep it that way. Everyone is always telling me I’d like this game cause it’s a lot like Risk. That’s great I guess! Cause I do like Risk! But then why don’t we just play Risk instead then, huh? I like that game AND I already know all the rules. Unlike my knowledge of plaid on plaid. Which brings me back to my point… world domination. Err, NO, Plaid!

As a result of being a 27 year old, I have a closet with about 5 plaid shirts in it (lllllladies). The jacket that I wear is blue with an inner lining that is also plaid. So if I’m wearing one of my plaid shirts and have to put my jacket on, I’m now sporting plaid on plaid. This worries me. Do I look like a total Eeyore the Donkey when I’m wearing these things? Well what’s that old saying; when the tide is going against you, it’s not that hard to change the tide of the entire ocean? I’m pretty sure that’s a saying. So instead of caring if I’m a total Eeyore the Donkey, I’m just going to continue wearing plaid on plaid and have the confidence of a Tigger (or at the very least an Owl) and change the tides of fashion (That is, if plaid on plaid is even frowned upon. I don’t know. What do you want me to do, google it? What’do I look like a nerd?).

Also I don’t really know what a blog is. Is it like a giant facebook status?

The end! The blog end! The blogend! We set sail for The Blogend at daybreak!